The Oxymoron...The "Dilemma" of Christian Dating (and Other Carnal Fallacies) Revisited

Recently I went to a local church's Singles meeting and first let me say that I primarily loathe these kinds of meetings because they tend to run the gamut from pure singles misery ministry to "I-coulda-had-a-V-8" boring to shameless pick up, swingin' singles, meat markets. So usually when I hear the announcement of a singles church event, I run in the opposite direction. But to keep from becoming an absolute recluse, I decided to attend this gathering in the hopes that it would perhaps be different than what I have experienced before but we'll come back to my verdict regarding this meeting later. The facilitator asked why Christian dating is still such a controversial issue. To be frank, I would like to know why as well! My mother and I have had this conversation on several occasions and the majority of this meeting's attendees were in agreement with my mother regarding this aberration of so-called "Christian dating".

Let's get something very clear, plain and precise...there is no such thing as "Christian dating"! It is a fallacy built on carnal principles that have crept into the modern church to validate and justify traditions and practices that are not biblical. There is no biblical precedent for dating because "dating" is not an activity that Christian believers should engage in. The church has become a pandering bastion of carnal acceptance. I've had many Christians tell me that it's okay if dating is not a biblical practice because our modern times require us to participate in the aimless ritual of dating and not to date is well, naive and even silly. The young minister who facilitated the singles meeting that I attended gave his definition of dating as spending time with someone of the opposite sex, so if you meet with someone of the same sex w/the intent of homosexual or lesbian relationship, or someone under age, or someone who is married that is not a "date" in his estimation. This minister was very much into these definitions that were relative and subjective to what he felt and believed despite the lack of biblical basis for such a definition. This is happening to me a lot lately where I have been talking to people who say that they are Christians regarding everything from the paganism involved in holidays such as Christmas and Easter to this subject of dating. And much to my dismay there are far too many "gray area" Christians who justify their counter-biblical beliefs by telling people that just because society defines something one way, they can then take that corrupt and carnal thing and somehow make it valid and acceptable. 

If there is no biblical basis for practicing something it's probably because it wasn't something that Believers should incorporate in their lives and then provide a subjective explanation for practicing the activity in lieu of a biblical foundation and basis. If there is no biblical precedent for doing something then it probably shouldn't be apart of the life of a Believer. It's just that simple! There is no biblical precedent for Believers participating in pagan and occult celebrations neither is there a biblical precedent for believers participating in the carnal ritual of dating. If you are involved in a courtship with a person of age and of the opposite sex then it must be because your ultimate intent is to marry that individual, not just "kick it" until I meet someone else. The church has bought into the lie that you have to date several people before you can know whether or not the person that you are dating is "the one". That's a joke! If that were true then divorce wouldn't be so rampant in the church among believers. Dating leaves God out of the equation of a life that exists for the sole purpose of bringing Him glory. Dating says, "God, I don't know if I trust you to choose my spouse for me so I need to get out and see what's out there for myself, then I'll decide who You have intended for me to spend the rest of my life." Since when did God cease to be El Shaddai? He is the all sufficient God! People lived, courted, and married for centuries just fine prior to this last century where dating became an accepted societal practice and there is no iron clad process to a successful marriage but to put God first and yield the whole of your life as worship. Divorce existed in biblical times but divorce is always the result of a marriage that God either never ordained in the first place and it became a total disaster (i.e., cases of abuse of any kind) or a marriage where the man and woman involved have refused to die to self in order that Messiah would be glorified through their lives and marriage. Need I remind you that as a Believer, you are not your own and that you were bought with a price? I Corinthians 6:20 says, "For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." These standards do not exist to kill your fun or to keep you from enjoying life, they exist so that you can avoid a life of unnecessary hardship and emotional trauma that results from poor choices and bad decisions that were brought about by an acceptance of carnal concepts and beliefs but have absolutely no basis in The Word of God. Dating might be just fine for unbelievers who don't believe or trust God or even have a relationship with Him but Believers should be wary of anything that does not result in us yielding all that we are to biblical principles that have been substantiated time and again. Any marriage, anything that does not have it's foundation in Messiah will fail!

The Believer must consult God in prayer and in His Word prior to doing anything that could effect our life and service to Him. Seek God and His will for your life and in your seeking God and not a  person to meet your needs, your spouse will not have to bear the burden of being to you what only God can be to you, your everything!

By the way, I'm certain that I won't be attending another singles event at that church. Pray for me, I don't have it all figured out but I'm certain that God knows me and what I need far better than I or anyone else ever could.
I hope that you enjoy the video below. The sister is very talented and effectively articulates why dating is not something that Believers who are truly seeking the heart of Yahweh don't date!

  Koretta L. Allen aka LadyfromZion is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. You can follow her on Twitter @LadyfromZion and friend her on Facebook at Facebook.com/abundantlyblessed. Mediocrity hates greatness! Be great and let the haters, hate!

The Reality of This Present Time.

 Often at the beginning of a bright, shiny new year we may find ourselves wanting to gaze into the future: what we hope the future will be and what we pray it will not be. But after all is said and done it is imperative for us to prepare ourselves to abandon all of our finite planning, goal-setting and dreaming for God's infinite plan and purpose for our lives. My reality is the following: I may not ever get married. I will soon be 40 and I am not sure if I still want to get married. I am tired and weary of the subject and just want to be content with where God has me as a single woman and as a single mother. 

Once upon a time, I was very guilty of the sin of idolatry. I idolized the idea of marriage, family and having children hence my screw up in putting the cart before the horse and having my first child out of wedlock then after that relationship ended disastrously, I found myself on the rebound and with baby number two! I wanted marriage, family, and children more than I wanted anything...including God! I can admit this now and I believe that for the sake of catharsis as well as to stand as a testimony, it is high time that I came clean! My parents divorced when I was 5 years old but even before that I was 3 when they first separated. So I longed and ached for a whole and healthy family. I never got it! I prayed for my mother and father to get back together and the reality that they would never be married again was more painful than I could bare. I thought that I was justified in wanting these things more than I wanted God, besides I didn't ask to be here and I most certainly didn't ask to be born to parents who couldn't make it together. But Jesus still required faithfulness and commitment to Him. I did not have the right to use the pain that I experienced as a child of divorce to forsake Christ and erect an idol in my life that caused me to sin against the very God who could heal me.

Whether I like it or not, I may not ever get married. I may not ever be anybody's wife or spend the rest of my life knowing what it is to have a man love me enough to make me his wife. These are musings that have crossed my mind and they are facts that I have to face. I am a single mother and like it or not, I cannot afford to have just any man in my life for the health, safety and stability of my children. It is quite enough that my sloppy life (prior to selling out to Christ) has deprived my children of a healthy father/child relationship and I refuse to make matters worse for them by inviting any ol' piece of man (as my grandmother use to call them) into my children's lives. Don't get me wrong, I would like to get married but marriage is not the priority that it once was in my life.

My priorities at the present are submitting my life as worship to God and raising my children to be sold out people of God who avoid the pitfalls that I fell into as a young person. I would truly like for my children to have a father-figure in their lives but I will not allow them to become the object of a sexual predator or random nutjob that preys on single mothers and their children; the mothers who are desperate for male companionship while the children are desperate for a father figure. This is a recipe for trouble as many single mothers have married or have engaged in pseudo-marriage relationships with men who took advantage of the women and sexually, physically and/or emotionally abused the children. I am also aware that there are lots of mentor groups for fatherless children but unless I know the man personally, there is absolutely no way that I will ever allow some random man, that I don't know at a church or with an organization or anywhere who feigns himself to be a mentor and father figure to fatherless children only to have my children's innocence and virtue compromised by some closet pedophile. 

Desperation for anything or anyone outside of Christ can have disastrous consequences. Hey, that's how I got to be a single mother in the first place! I was desperate for a husband and kids so much so that I compromised myself and everything that I believed in order to try to get my way. Well, I didn't get my way and what's worse is that I allowed myself to become so consumed with wanting to be married that I decided not to do it God's way either. But to God be the glory for helping me get it together two kids and no husband later. God is faithful and I truly believe that He who has begun a good work in me is faithful to complete the work that He has begun in me (Philippians 1:6). I haven't completely shutdown on marriage but I've simply decided that my life is better spent committed to God and the things that He has entrusted me to have stewardship of right now than commit myself to getting and being married and even going so far as to try to subvert God's authority, plan and purpose for my life as well as the lives of my children.

In addition to not obsessing over marriage I had to clean some other demons out of my closet and this is just one of the videos that really helped me to face me and stop making excuses for sins that were separating me from God. I don't agree with all of this brother's videos but this one is on point for sure. However if you are not willing or ready to face, confess and repent of your own sin then you might not want to watch this video as he is very frank about a subject that most single Christians and even Christian single parents struggle with overcoming. 

Remember mediocrity hates greatness, so be great and let the haters, hate!

LadyfromZion aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com

Victorious or Victim

We Christians often refer to ourselves as warriors for Christ or soldiers and that is true but there is a time for a soldier to fire and there are also times when a soldier should fall back!
When I was a child we used to sing a song in church "Victory, victory shall be mine! Victory, victory shall be mine! If I hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battles victory, victory shall be
mine!"  Isaiah 49:25-26 says For I will fight those who fight you and I will save your children I will feed your enemies with their own flesh. They will be drunk with rivers of their own blood. All the world will know that I, the Lord, am your Savior and Redeemer, the Mighty One of Israel." David even cried out, "Plead my cause, O LORD, with them that strive with me: fight against them that fight against me."in Psalm 35:1 and God delivered him.

The best way to misrepresent the Kingdom of the Most High is to get caught up in emotions and react to situations, circumstances and people instead we are to always be prepared to obey the Holy Spirit's leading and when we do so we find that the Holy Spirit is always proactionary never reactionary. Reactionary people predicate their response based on the actions of the person or situation, the power is then given to the other person or situation whereas proactionary people never base their response on what the other person does or the what situation is, the Holy Ghost never gives His power to the situation or the adversary but rather
bases His actions on the Word of God and wisdom. This keeps us from saying things that we later regret or flying into rages, getting into unnecessary altercations and thereby ruining our credibility
as well as hindering the work of love and patience that is in need of development in our lives.

II Corinthians 10:4 says, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God
to the pulling down of strong holds". This is why we need to put Luke 18:1 into practice,
And he spoke a parable to them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint; and Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that,"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." When we fail to pray and crucify this flesh so that the Holy Spirit can have His way in us, even if we win the battle we could very well lose the war. Your battle is not so much against situations, circumstances or even other people. Your greatest and most important battle isn't even against flesh and blood, so lay aside your ego and surrender your pride at the feet of The Father and learn how to fall back and allow the Holy Spirit lead you into truth that will be the foundation of peace in your life. Yeah, you could give that nasty waitress a piece of your mind but why give her that kind of power? Let the word of your mouth and the meditation of your heart always be acceptable to Him who is your strength and your redeemer! And if people think that you're weak then they have just revealed their weakness and you need to be an example of righteousness to them regardless. You can either be victorious or a victim, it's up to you! The victorious are those who allow God to fight their battles instead of allowing pride to make them feel victimized and defensive. Remember, You are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. I John 4:4

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com. She can be heard each day on SoCal's own KPOZ Radio.

Pagan Christianity

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com

Keeping Up With The Joneses

   Why are you trying to keep up with the Joneses? If the Joneses aren't keeping up with Jesus then everything you do is in vain!

Most of us know people who are very competitive, fully equipped with a "do-you-one-better" attitude. As with most things in life being competitive has its place but when you find yourself being competitive to the point that you major in minor, trivial things such as brand name clothes, expensive cars, fancy houses and essentially living beyond your means then you end up in a vicious cycle of turning over your life to be controlled by someone else other than God. I have seldom met more miserable people than those who value the opinions of others over God's will for their lives to where they are willing to forfeit their birthright in Christ for the filthy lucre and approval of this world.

For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. I Timothy 6:10

Understand that material competitiveness breeds a love of money that is counter-productive to biblical Christianity. If you are busy chasing money and the temporal things that money can buy then you are going to be too preoccupied with this world and what matters to this world to care about the things that truly matter to God!

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knows that you have need of all these things. Matthew 6:32

Abba will take care of His own! In Jeremiah 1:12, God declares that He is watching over His word to perform it! He will carry out His plans concerning you for in Jeremiah 29:11, God says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, said the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you." So if you are preoccupied with the world, how can you ever expect to have peace? And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

So rest easy and be about the Father's business and not the futile business of  keeping up with the Joneses. If the only thing that you aspire to is being better than your neighbor instead of being an example of holiness to them then you are missing out on the beautiful life that God has for you because you have opted to follow men rather than God.

*This is from Moment of Encouragement which can be heard daily on KPOZ Radio

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com

The Process

Sometimes when we pray, we simply expect to arrive at the blessing,
every blessing with ease but when God answers our prayers, sometimes we can't understand why we had to come the way that we did, through trials, feeling lonely, inadequate and often times even feeling as if God hasn't heard us or worse has abandoned us, until we look up to find ourselves in the midst of the very blessing we prayed for.

Don't get discouraged and never give up! Abba heard you the
first time you prayed. Now is the time of process! Don't resist the process because it is this process that will create the desire for God's will and will put you in position to receive the blessing and grow in your walk with God! The process refines you so that you don't value the blessing more than your relationship with Him!

And When it finally comes to pass no one will be able to take credit for what only God could do!

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

II Cor 4:16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day

The process is meant to deaden the flesh so that your walk with Christ will not be impeded by the blessing which is meant to bring Him glory!

*From Moments of Encouragement on KPOZ Radio and can be heard daily.

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com

Bearing My Cross

It's been almost a year since I started this blog and God has truly blessed my children and me. I've also learned a lot about myself, God and the world around me. Last year I was being broken because of a failed relationship that prior to its failure I was sure would lead to marriage. That didn't happen but what did happen was the crucifixion of my flesh to where I truly understood above all things that nothing matters more than the sovereign will of God. I wrote about the brokenness last year but still had no clue just how awesome God would move on my behalf and that of my children.

We left the midwest for what I believe to be the last time. Sure we'll be back to visit but I know in my spirit that we will not be back there to live. I've learn to pray more fervently for the needs and the salvation of others as well as to sometimes just sit and meditate on the presence of the Lord. This move was one of the most difficult things I've had to do but Abba has always made a way. I realize more than ever that salvation and sanctification are a process and by no means something that just happens immediately because you repeated a prayer at the altar at church. I'm seeing the world with new eyes and hopefully becoming the kind of mother that my children need and deserve. This journey to recapture an intimate knowledge and relationship with God has not perfected me but set me on the path to being perfected in Christ, the culmination of which will not occur until I exit this life.  I am still being broken but it's okay because it makes me desperate for the presence of The Most High. I crave and long for His presence like I never have before.  

Would I still like to get married one day? Sure! But I have also come to a point of accepting whatever is God's will for my life. Christ is my reality. I am dead (dying) to this world and this earthsuit so that I may be known of Him and know Him in a way that draws the people around me to Him. I have been on this journey for sometime and I have reached a point of acquiescence and surrender to Him. Whatever my HaShem, El Elyon, El Shaddai, Abba wants, whatever it pleases Him to do with my life, for this life that I live is not my own, is fine with me. When I was younger I use to hear people say "that if He never does another thing for me, He's already done enough", it sounded silly to me but now I understand. Comprehension of some things only occurs with maturity. I will gracefully in the name of Jesus bear my cross and right now that cross includes being the single mother of two beautiful and intelligent children, running a business, working outside of the home and being a blessing in every way that I can to others.

My life is nothing of what I imagined it would be twenty years or so ago and I have been guilty of beating myself up for making some of the decisions that led me here but then I also realize that God has never failed or forsaken me. I've really been world weary lately. When I see how increasingly godless and twisted the world is becoming, the more that I am sure, absolutely sure that nothing is worth me forfeiting salvation. My desire is to cling to God like never before. Pray for me, my kids and all that God is given me stewardship that He may glorified above all! My ultimate goal is to have my entire life and every aspect of it be an act of worship to the Lord. The joy of the Lord is my strength and I hope it is yours as well!

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com