Misdirected Desperation

As a single parent it can be extremely difficult dealing with all of the responsibilities of taking care of a household, children, and finances, etc. without the help of a spouse not to mention the loneliness of not having adult companionship. And contrary to what we may assume, studies have shown that the onslaught of social networking has actually isolated us even more, so if you add to that the sparse, cohesive network and fellowship of Israelites then life can sometimes get seemingly unbearable.  The weight of single parenthood can get very heavy and painful. Even if you work outside of the home, you still may not have the opportunity to socialize with other adults on a frequent basis in a safe, friendly and nurturing environment where you can feel comfortable venting and being comforted regarding the cares of your daily life by like-minded people who understand and share your struggle. So even if your children are old enough and articulate enough to hold a conversation with you, it's still not the same as having adult companionship. I know that some people's halakah is so qodesh and righteous that they never experience the considerable pain and loneliness of single parenthood but for those of us who are still human and haven't been spiritually translated even at our strongest an empty bed and a house too quiet after the children are in bed are reminders that The Father created us for relationships and despite laying prostrate before HIM for hours on end and studying Scripture for hours on end there is still the persistent nagging need to be held, spoken to tenderly and attentively and made to feel loved and wanted. Our children can take us for granted quite often and single parents constantly find themselves playing the role of both parents to some extent therefore the custodial parent is always the heavy and the disciplinarian and this in and of itself is a lonely and taxing responsibility. With all of that being said, is it any wonder that most single parents are thirsty to the point of creeping or indulging otherwise unhealthy forms of adult companionship? This thirstiness is actually misplaced desperation. The Most High desires for us to be desperate for HIM and sometimes that may mean laying out prostrate before HIM, other times it may mean journalling; it may mean ministry in the form of volunteering at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, etc. or studying and reading Scripture. 

My prayer for the single parents of Israel as well as myself is that we will allow YAHUAH to transform our minds thereby changing our perspective and perception of single parenthood so that we can give our all to HIM while HE cultivates within us all that is needed to make us greater assets to HIS Kingdom and that includes preparing us for marriage, if that is indeed HIS will for us. But marriage is not priority neither is adult companionship. The priority is The Kingdom of The Most High and what HE has called us into existence to be.  We have been called into existence to be obedient worshipers who abandon the whole of our lives to HIM so that HE receives all of the glory and that includes allowing things such as our singlehood to run their course so that we can enjoy reaping the fruits of a harvest where we have sown seeds of love, contentment and obedience and not railed against HIM by subversively burning through relationships with the opposite sex in an attempt to search for the "right one" or cure loneliness with futile, empty and irresponsible out-of-covenant sex or doing other things that are counterproductive to our having a fulfilling relationship with The Father. YAHUAH, knows what we need, when we need it and how we need it. All you need to do is play your position and fall back to allow HIM all the room HE needs to have HIS way in our lives and in us. We can't have it both ways! It's going to be HIS will or our way and trust and believe because HE is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, we should prefer HIS will EVERY TIME over our own way. Desiring YAH's will over our own way is a sign of spiritual maturity. It is a sign that we understand that we exist for HIS pleasure and for the benefit of HIS Kingdom, alone and that everything that is of no relevance, value or significance to HIS Kingdom or HIS divine will and purpose for our lives should have no place in us. We can't please HIM with a carnal mind and an unwillingness to accept HIS will. We know and trust that HE only has the best future planned for us. 

We live in a culture that idolizes the marriage ceremony and all of the accoutrement that the ceremony entails. It also lauds coupling while simultaneously demonizing Scriptural, heterosexual marriage and yet there are entire television series and movies about marriage. We also may personally witness people coupling up and getting engaged, betrothed and married. This can make us feel even lonelier. We may want to feel joy and happiness in watching others embark upon a life that we desire for ourselves but after a while we can start to feel as if YAH has forgotten about us. Rest assured that HE hasn't! HE heard you the first time you prayed. HE moved on your behalf the first time you fasted in obedience, even if you didn't see or realize it. But just remind yourself that ALL things occur in HIS excellent timing and not when we believe that they should occur.

Don't settle for Mr. or Ms. right-now! YAH's best for you is someone who loves HIM more than they love you; someone who will love and honor you and your children; someone who will value you and your children and see you for the asset that you are. Anything less than that is throwing your pearls to swine and a futile waste of time and energy. It is good for you to stay close (and get even closer) to YAH. HIS love is of greater richness and consistency than the greatest man or woman! The Father deserves our undivided attention. HE deserves a set-apart vessel that desires HIM first and foremost! We MUST prefer HIM above all else or we will never know what it is to live a life that honors HIM and provides joy and satisfaction because we have dared to obey and love HIM more than us wanting what we want...whatever it is our flesh wants (i.e., marriage, more children, etc.)

Personally, I struggle with feeling the reproach of single parenthood. I see people watching me with my kids with either disdain or pity. I hate not having the luxury to homeschool my children because I have to work. I hate the whole vetting process of mating up because I've been disappointed and hurt so many times during that process. A friend of mine told me that The Father was hiding me for someone special, a true son of YAH but sometimes I find myself questioning my value as a woman, my attractiveness. This life gets so immensely heavy and try as I may I still find myself, lately lonely and discouraged. I've always had issues with my physical appearance so I find myself seeking validation from people by what I wear and how I dress. It's painful and yet this is obviously a necessary process. Brothers and sisters of Israel, I am not too proud to petition you for prayer. As everything that I have written to encourage you, I know and am aware of and yet I am struggling with the day to day reality of this and pray to only please and honor my Father through this struggle. If I am to be desperate, I want to be desperate for HIM! If I am to be thirsty I want to hunger and thirst for HIS Word and for HIS presence! Shalom!

Mediocrity hates greatness, be great in YAHUSHA's name and let the haters, hate! Single Mother's Midrash exists to provide information and education pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single and chaste, empowerment through the word of YHUH and much more. Single Mother's Midrash is a publication of Natsarim Remnant Ministries. Natsarim Remnant Ministries is a Torah-observing, Commandment-keeping ministry whose mission is proclaim that YAHUSHA is Messiah and Savior of the world and the only begotten Son of YHUH, Creator of the Universe; He and Father, YHUH and the Ruach haQodesh are ONE. For more information regarding Natsarim Remnant Ministries feel free to call us at 614-522-9707 or email us at NatsarimRemnant@rocketmail.com. Be abundantly blessed in YAHUSHA's name.

Why You Need to be Sure That Your Children Know the God That You Serve

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) This is a scripture that most Christians know and yet very few really get to the extent that they implement it actively or rather proactively within their own lives concerning their own children. No matter how you became a parent, God blessed you with that child or children for a reason. I know that people in Western society are accustomed to having children for their own selfish reasons and they have no sincere concept as to the important role that they play in the life of that child. Hence fathers who leave marriages because it is no longer the convenient thing for them to be married and not only do they abandon the marriage but they make the horrible mistake of abandoning their role as a father. Mothers decide that rather than raise their children they would rather go out and party and become the "play thing" of some man who could basically care less about them meanwhile Grandma, who is older, tired and stressed is left with the monumental task of raising another generation. Or women who behave in error like, yours truly, who decide to have children without the love and support of a husband for themselves and father for their children. That's right! I love my babies but had I not been so selfish I would've continued to abstain from sex and I would've waited to have my children within a marriage ordained by God but enough about that!

I find it to be quite a curious thing that Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses and Roman Catholics take the time to indoctrinate their children from birth as to what the principles of that family's respective faith is and the important role that it will play in the life of that child. Jewish people and even devout Scientologists take the time to indoctrinate their children as to what they are to believe about God as the foundation for the rest of their lives. Now the fact that Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Roman Catholics and Scientologists believe in religious principles that are not congruent to biblically sound principles is something else but the fact is, they get something that the average so-called charismatic, pentecostal, believer doesn't get and that's the importance of teaching your children about the God that you serve!

I remember when my daughter was two, the Lord revealed to me the importance of reading the Bible to her and praying with her and I wanted to but something in me wanted to justify not doing it because she was "too young" to understand. I tried to reason with the Lord by saying, "But God she's just a baby. She's not going to understand what I am reading to her." I admit that I did it for a while and then I fell off because I reasoned within myself that she was a small child and I couldn't understand the purpose of reading the actual Bible to her instead of Dr. Seuss or bible stories. But when I got pregnant with my son, I realized that because I was single and a mother that I could not by any means be successful as a parent unless I got close to God and obeyed Him to the letter regarding the upbringing of my children. We took small steps. Psalm 91 was read over my daughter at her Baby Blessing (like a christening but Pentecostals don't believe in baptizing children so the elders and prophets prayed and prophesied over her and assigned a scripture to her.) Well, when I was pregnant with my son, she was three going on four and I felt that it was time for her to know this God who had been so gracious and merciful as to allow me to be her mother. I taught her Psalm 91 and we would pray and she would have to recite Psalm 91 every night before bed. By the time my son was born, I had a blessing said for him and because he was a boy (not to be sexist) but I knew that he would not be a baby always and one day he would be a man and I wanted him to grow up to be a great man of God. Don't get me wrong, I wanted my daughter to grow up to become a great woman of God but because there was no direct positive male influence in his life, I felt that it was imperative that he know God and that is what actually compelled me to get my act together and get right with God. Pentecostals and most Charismatics want to depend on Sunday School and Children's Church to teach their children everything that they need to know about the Lord but the Sunday School teacher and the Children's Church minister doesn't go home with you and what's worse is that they see you go home and live something other than what they were taught at church and that only leads to disillusionment and confusion so that by the time they are teens, unless they are blessed to have an encounter with God on their own that compels them to seek God, they end up using you as a barometer to gauge how they should behave and they'll either become lukewarm, mediocre Christians or they'll reject Christianity altogether because you weren't the example of holiness that they needed and deserved to witness.

My constant prayer is that God will bless me to be the kind of mother that my children need and deserve because they didn't ask to be here and I also understand that it is not about me or what makes me feel good but about the spiritual and psychological health and well-being of my children. It's enough that they don't have a father in the natural right now, I'm all they have and if I don't live an example of holiness before them, then what will they have? I am accountable to God for how I raise them and even more so for the life that I live before them. I'm such a nerd and a square that partying and carousing were never my thing anyway but I love men! But because I love God and I love my children and have come to love myself, men are not even in the equation until God sees fit to bless me with my husband. I miss the companionship of a man but I can't risk the emotional and psychological risk of having serial monogamous relationships in my life and therefore apart of my children's lives. I have to give myself over completely to the Holy Spirit so that even when I'm tempted to jump ahead of God into a relationship, I'll consider what it would do to my children and myself if the man involved is not who God would have me raise my children with as a direct influence and father figure in their lives. Not any old piece of man or breath and breaches (as my grandfather called them) deserves to have any contact or access to my kids and if he's not good enough to meet my kids, then I don't need to be with him! It's that simple!

Over the past year, as a family we have evolved in closeness to each other and to the Only True and Living God! My son turned three this year and I prayed prior to his birthday for the Lord to give me a scripture regarding him and the Lord directed me to Psalm 121. So now he almost knows Psalm 121 and my daughter well, she turned seven and the Lord let me know that it was time for her to learn a new scripture since she'd been reciting Psalm 91 for 3 years and now she is learning Psalm 24 as of her 7th birthday. We have prayer and meditation time together and I read the Word of God to them nightly and in addition to their individual scriptures that they recite nightly prior to going to bed, I also assign a weekly family scripture that we recite every night for a week. I could pop my collar if I wanted to, but I have enough sense to know that all glory and honor belongs to God for revealing to me the importance of living holy before my children and truly training them up in the way that they should go so that when they are older they will not depart from it! I want to see my children grow up to become great people of God and to know that no matter what they go through it's not enough to know God through me or even our pastor or the youth pastor at church but they have to know and have a relationship with God for themselves and everything that I'm doing right now, is not easy and yes, it takes some patience and effort but I know that it is the foundation of my children knowing and being secure in their Christian identity. A lot of parents don't understand and some really don't want to understand just how important it is for them to be an example of holiness or how important it is for them to share their faith with their children on a daily basis because it calls them to a higher level of accountability and responsibility than what they are willing to involve themselves.

I'm not perfect and neither do I portray myself as perfect to my children. I have had to abandon pride and self and become transparent so that my children can see that even in my humanness, God is still merciful, loving and faithful and if He'll be those things for me, He'll be the same for them. Nothing worth having comes easy and raising happy, stable, fulfilled children who love God is well worth it! I'd rather take the time out now than to leave their knowledge of God to chance and simply hope and pray that they will know Him. In these formative years they must know who God, El Shaddai, Elohim, Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Rohe, and the Great I Am is through me! It's a huge responsibility but it also helps me to keep in the proper perspective just how important it is for me to know God so that they may know Him, truly know Him and in the name of Jesus not have to suffer needlessly from ignorance because I did not effectively teach and train them up in the way that should go.

Be abundantly blessed!

Mediocrity hates greatness...Be great and let the haters hate!

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Decisions, decisions, decisions...& Choices

He who assumes that life will be easy, is well lazy and more than likely spoiled and over-indulged. Life is filled with opportunities that are disguised as decisions & choices! What's the difference between a choice and a decision you might ask? That's an excellent question! The Webster's dictionary defines a choice as the act or opportunity of choosing or selecting whereas a decision is a determination arrived at after consideration. Hmmm...you have to choose to make a decision; you have to take the opportunity to determine after (careful) consideration what you want to do in this life so that you are making a good use of your time here on this planet.

As a teenager, I would pray that God would bless me so that I would not just be a waste of time, breath & space. By the time I turned 16 I realized that there were a lot of people who were choosing to make poor decisions regarding their lives and because of their total lack of decision making skills they became a wasted life! That was not God's plan for them but it was the life that they chose. The Bible also compels us "to choose this day whom we will serve...God or man". Choices are just us simply selecting a way of life for ourselves and that requires us to have good decision making skills and as is the case with skills they have to be nurtured and put in to practice often in order to be purposeful and successful. If you don't choose to make a decision about anything (especially in terms of your relationship with Christ) and you allow life to just happen to you, how will you ever know how awesome you are in Christ? How will you ever know just how wonderful and unique you truly are? You are God's gift to the world but until you realize the gift of God to be great that exists inside of you how will you ever progress beyond the boundaries of mediocrity? It all comes back to the decisions that you choose to make in this life and then be willing and strong enough to be accountable for the decisions that you make both good and bad! But first, make a decision! Thank God for Jesus because of Him we don't even have to rely on the strength of this flesh or our own understanding. We're able to utilize and draw from the mind and Spirit of Christ that lives within us! That's awesome! We don't have to figure anything out, we just have to avail ourselves to the wisdom of God's spirit within us and make a choice to make a decision! Not making a decision and fretfully sitting on the sidelines of life will result in mere existence whereas a life of choosing to nurture and practice good decision making through the wisdom of God will result in a life of flourishing and thriving! Pray for the strength to meet life's challenges head on and the courage and wisdom to choose the right things and make the appropriate decisions as they regard your life for "greater is He that is in you than he than is in the world". You can truly "do all things through Christ who strengthens you." Life may not be easy but when we fail to make the right choices and subsequently arriving at a decision which is simply a conclusion to a matter after careful consideration, we end up making life harder than it was actually meant to be.

Remember, mediocrity hates greatness so be great and let the haters, hate!

Be blessed always in Jesus' name!!