Misdirected Desperation

As a single parent it can be extremely difficult dealing with all of the responsibilities of taking care of a household, children, and finances, etc. without the help of a spouse not to mention the loneliness of not having adult companionship. And contrary to what we may assume, studies have shown that the onslaught of social networking has actually isolated us even more, so if you add to that the sparse, cohesive network and fellowship of Israelites then life can sometimes get seemingly unbearable.  The weight of single parenthood can get very heavy and painful. Even if you work outside of the home, you still may not have the opportunity to socialize with other adults on a frequent basis in a safe, friendly and nurturing environment where you can feel comfortable venting and being comforted regarding the cares of your daily life by like-minded people who understand and share your struggle. So even if your children are old enough and articulate enough to hold a conversation with you, it's still not the same as having adult companionship. I know that some people's halakah is so qodesh and righteous that they never experience the considerable pain and loneliness of single parenthood but for those of us who are still human and haven't been spiritually translated even at our strongest an empty bed and a house too quiet after the children are in bed are reminders that The Father created us for relationships and despite laying prostrate before HIM for hours on end and studying Scripture for hours on end there is still the persistent nagging need to be held, spoken to tenderly and attentively and made to feel loved and wanted. Our children can take us for granted quite often and single parents constantly find themselves playing the role of both parents to some extent therefore the custodial parent is always the heavy and the disciplinarian and this in and of itself is a lonely and taxing responsibility. With all of that being said, is it any wonder that most single parents are thirsty to the point of creeping or indulging otherwise unhealthy forms of adult companionship? This thirstiness is actually misplaced desperation. The Most High desires for us to be desperate for HIM and sometimes that may mean laying out prostrate before HIM, other times it may mean journalling; it may mean ministry in the form of volunteering at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, etc. or studying and reading Scripture. 

My prayer for the single parents of Israel as well as myself is that we will allow YAHUAH to transform our minds thereby changing our perspective and perception of single parenthood so that we can give our all to HIM while HE cultivates within us all that is needed to make us greater assets to HIS Kingdom and that includes preparing us for marriage, if that is indeed HIS will for us. But marriage is not priority neither is adult companionship. The priority is The Kingdom of The Most High and what HE has called us into existence to be.  We have been called into existence to be obedient worshipers who abandon the whole of our lives to HIM so that HE receives all of the glory and that includes allowing things such as our singlehood to run their course so that we can enjoy reaping the fruits of a harvest where we have sown seeds of love, contentment and obedience and not railed against HIM by subversively burning through relationships with the opposite sex in an attempt to search for the "right one" or cure loneliness with futile, empty and irresponsible out-of-covenant sex or doing other things that are counterproductive to our having a fulfilling relationship with The Father. YAHUAH, knows what we need, when we need it and how we need it. All you need to do is play your position and fall back to allow HIM all the room HE needs to have HIS way in our lives and in us. We can't have it both ways! It's going to be HIS will or our way and trust and believe because HE is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, we should prefer HIS will EVERY TIME over our own way. Desiring YAH's will over our own way is a sign of spiritual maturity. It is a sign that we understand that we exist for HIS pleasure and for the benefit of HIS Kingdom, alone and that everything that is of no relevance, value or significance to HIS Kingdom or HIS divine will and purpose for our lives should have no place in us. We can't please HIM with a carnal mind and an unwillingness to accept HIS will. We know and trust that HE only has the best future planned for us. 

We live in a culture that idolizes the marriage ceremony and all of the accoutrement that the ceremony entails. It also lauds coupling while simultaneously demonizing Scriptural, heterosexual marriage and yet there are entire television series and movies about marriage. We also may personally witness people coupling up and getting engaged, betrothed and married. This can make us feel even lonelier. We may want to feel joy and happiness in watching others embark upon a life that we desire for ourselves but after a while we can start to feel as if YAH has forgotten about us. Rest assured that HE hasn't! HE heard you the first time you prayed. HE moved on your behalf the first time you fasted in obedience, even if you didn't see or realize it. But just remind yourself that ALL things occur in HIS excellent timing and not when we believe that they should occur.

Don't settle for Mr. or Ms. right-now! YAH's best for you is someone who loves HIM more than they love you; someone who will love and honor you and your children; someone who will value you and your children and see you for the asset that you are. Anything less than that is throwing your pearls to swine and a futile waste of time and energy. It is good for you to stay close (and get even closer) to YAH. HIS love is of greater richness and consistency than the greatest man or woman! The Father deserves our undivided attention. HE deserves a set-apart vessel that desires HIM first and foremost! We MUST prefer HIM above all else or we will never know what it is to live a life that honors HIM and provides joy and satisfaction because we have dared to obey and love HIM more than us wanting what we want...whatever it is our flesh wants (i.e., marriage, more children, etc.)

Personally, I struggle with feeling the reproach of single parenthood. I see people watching me with my kids with either disdain or pity. I hate not having the luxury to homeschool my children because I have to work. I hate the whole vetting process of mating up because I've been disappointed and hurt so many times during that process. A friend of mine told me that The Father was hiding me for someone special, a true son of YAH but sometimes I find myself questioning my value as a woman, my attractiveness. This life gets so immensely heavy and try as I may I still find myself, lately lonely and discouraged. I've always had issues with my physical appearance so I find myself seeking validation from people by what I wear and how I dress. It's painful and yet this is obviously a necessary process. Brothers and sisters of Israel, I am not too proud to petition you for prayer. As everything that I have written to encourage you, I know and am aware of and yet I am struggling with the day to day reality of this and pray to only please and honor my Father through this struggle. If I am to be desperate, I want to be desperate for HIM! If I am to be thirsty I want to hunger and thirst for HIS Word and for HIS presence! Shalom!

Mediocrity hates greatness, be great in YAHUSHA's name and let the haters, hate! Single Mother's Midrash exists to provide information and education pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single and chaste, empowerment through the word of YHUH and much more. Single Mother's Midrash is a publication of Natsarim Remnant Ministries. Natsarim Remnant Ministries is a Torah-observing, Commandment-keeping ministry whose mission is proclaim that YAHUSHA is Messiah and Savior of the world and the only begotten Son of YHUH, Creator of the Universe; He and Father, YHUH and the Ruach haQodesh are ONE. For more information regarding Natsarim Remnant Ministries feel free to call us at 614-522-9707 or email us at NatsarimRemnant@rocketmail.com. Be abundantly blessed in YAHUSHA's name.

The Oxymoron...The "Dilemma" of Christian Dating (and Other Carnal Fallacies) Revisited

Recently I went to a local church's Singles meeting and first let me say that I primarily loathe these kinds of meetings because they tend to run the gamut from pure singles misery ministry to "I-coulda-had-a-V-8" boring to shameless pick up, swingin' singles, meat markets. So usually when I hear the announcement of a singles church event, I run in the opposite direction. But to keep from becoming an absolute recluse, I decided to attend this gathering in the hopes that it would perhaps be different than what I have experienced before but we'll come back to my verdict regarding this meeting later. The facilitator asked why Christian dating is still such a controversial issue. To be frank, I would like to know why as well! My mother and I have had this conversation on several occasions and the majority of this meeting's attendees were in agreement with my mother regarding this aberration of so-called "Christian dating".

Let's get something very clear, plain and precise...there is no such thing as "Christian dating"! It is a fallacy built on carnal principles that have crept into the modern church to validate and justify traditions and practices that are not biblical. There is no biblical precedent for dating because "dating" is not an activity that Christian believers should engage in. The church has become a pandering bastion of carnal acceptance. I've had many Christians tell me that it's okay if dating is not a biblical practice because our modern times require us to participate in the aimless ritual of dating and not to date is well, naive and even silly. The young minister who facilitated the singles meeting that I attended gave his definition of dating as spending time with someone of the opposite sex, so if you meet with someone of the same sex w/the intent of homosexual or lesbian relationship, or someone under age, or someone who is married that is not a "date" in his estimation. This minister was very much into these definitions that were relative and subjective to what he felt and believed despite the lack of biblical basis for such a definition. This is happening to me a lot lately where I have been talking to people who say that they are Christians regarding everything from the paganism involved in holidays such as Christmas and Easter to this subject of dating. And much to my dismay there are far too many "gray area" Christians who justify their counter-biblical beliefs by telling people that just because society defines something one way, they can then take that corrupt and carnal thing and somehow make it valid and acceptable. 

If there is no biblical basis for practicing something it's probably because it wasn't something that Believers should incorporate in their lives and then provide a subjective explanation for practicing the activity in lieu of a biblical foundation and basis. If there is no biblical precedent for doing something then it probably shouldn't be apart of the life of a Believer. It's just that simple! There is no biblical precedent for Believers participating in pagan and occult celebrations neither is there a biblical precedent for believers participating in the carnal ritual of dating. If you are involved in a courtship with a person of age and of the opposite sex then it must be because your ultimate intent is to marry that individual, not just "kick it" until I meet someone else. The church has bought into the lie that you have to date several people before you can know whether or not the person that you are dating is "the one". That's a joke! If that were true then divorce wouldn't be so rampant in the church among believers. Dating leaves God out of the equation of a life that exists for the sole purpose of bringing Him glory. Dating says, "God, I don't know if I trust you to choose my spouse for me so I need to get out and see what's out there for myself, then I'll decide who You have intended for me to spend the rest of my life." Since when did God cease to be El Shaddai? He is the all sufficient God! People lived, courted, and married for centuries just fine prior to this last century where dating became an accepted societal practice and there is no iron clad process to a successful marriage but to put God first and yield the whole of your life as worship. Divorce existed in biblical times but divorce is always the result of a marriage that God either never ordained in the first place and it became a total disaster (i.e., cases of abuse of any kind) or a marriage where the man and woman involved have refused to die to self in order that Messiah would be glorified through their lives and marriage. Need I remind you that as a Believer, you are not your own and that you were bought with a price? I Corinthians 6:20 says, "For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." These standards do not exist to kill your fun or to keep you from enjoying life, they exist so that you can avoid a life of unnecessary hardship and emotional trauma that results from poor choices and bad decisions that were brought about by an acceptance of carnal concepts and beliefs but have absolutely no basis in The Word of God. Dating might be just fine for unbelievers who don't believe or trust God or even have a relationship with Him but Believers should be wary of anything that does not result in us yielding all that we are to biblical principles that have been substantiated time and again. Any marriage, anything that does not have it's foundation in Messiah will fail!

The Believer must consult God in prayer and in His Word prior to doing anything that could effect our life and service to Him. Seek God and His will for your life and in your seeking God and not a  person to meet your needs, your spouse will not have to bear the burden of being to you what only God can be to you, your everything!

By the way, I'm certain that I won't be attending another singles event at that church. Pray for me, I don't have it all figured out but I'm certain that God knows me and what I need far better than I or anyone else ever could.
I hope that you enjoy the video below. The sister is very talented and effectively articulates why dating is not something that Believers who are truly seeking the heart of Yahweh don't date!

  Koretta L. Allen aka LadyfromZion is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. You can follow her on Twitter @LadyfromZion and friend her on Facebook at Facebook.com/abundantlyblessed. Mediocrity hates greatness! Be great and let the haters, hate!

The Brokenness

I don't even know how to start this post but let me give it a shot! How do you address the utter lack of integrity with regard to submitting or obeying the Word of God. Now understand that I am by no means speaking to those of you who may have your doubts as to whether or not The Bible is the true inspired word of God. I'm not even talking to those of you who have issues with the word "submit" or "obey". It's just proof of the day and time in which we live. There is such a pervasive spirit of rebellion and blatant disregard for anything of holiness or decency that it's really almost overwhelming. Now understand where I'm coming from, I'm not perfect and I have disappointed and disobeyed God prolifically but He has never ceased to love me or extend his grace and mercy to me and yet after experiencing such a great and awesome love how could I do anything other than honor Him and do what any grateful daughter would do for a loving Father, other than obey?

Earlier this year I went through a situation where there was a man in my life who I had come to love dearly. This man even expressed to me that he believed that believed that I was going to be his wife. I was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with this man. He seemed to be everything that I prayed for in terms of being a man who knew and understood what a helpmeet was, which is simply a wife who is assistant to her husband's goals and aspirations. Not that she does so to the neglect or detriment of herself but because she loves that man and respects him, if she has indeed been called to the ministry of marriage, she will help to nurture and facilitate the dreams and goals that God has placed in him and help him to bring those things to fruition.

This man seemed to be a great father in that he almost always had his sons with him and we had the same concepts of parenthood, marriage and relationships in general. But this was a long distance relationship, and he lived in another state. We carried on this relationship by phone. He was intelligent, a gentleman, and he had a professional career. He was very articulate and gracious and he was gorgeous! But for some reason, a reason that I can't explain, I freaked out! I'm not sure if it was because I felt myself getting closer to what I had wanted and prayed for all of my life or if it was because this man was so fine and intelligent that I did not feel worthy of him or what it was...look, I can't even speculate, I just acted a fool. Apart of me was so afraid that he would not honor his word to make me his wife and another part of me just wanted to prepare for marriage because I realized that I wasn't really as ready for marriage as I thought. I was 85 lbs heavier, I was seeking food for comfort, and in general I wasn't handling my business as I should have. There was so much lacking in my life at that time that I decided to take some bold steps and began getting myself together. So I started fasting and praying more, journaling, reading my Bible and submitting myself to God. The prospect of him as my husband "inspired" me to become the best that I could quite possibly be. But even in all of that, I was still anxious about my relationship with this man.

Because of my past and issues with pre-marital sex, I had vowed not to have sex with another man unless he became my husband. I was tired of being nothing more than a concubine or a baby's mama and I knew that I deserved to have a relationship that was sincere and honest and fulfilling, and my kids need a father they don't need mama to be with a man who is not willing to be that father that they need. Because of those issues it was settled in my heart and mind that there would be NO more sex outside of marriage! Enough!!

This man said that he was going to come to visit me in March for my birthday, and I prayed to the Lord that if his intentions in coming to visit me were to sleep with me then I didn't want him to come. Well, God answered my prayer and there was a big storm and a huge project that he became the manager of and as a result he ended up not following through with his plans to visit me for the weekend of my birthday. I was disappointed but also relieved because I didn't know if I would have the strength to resist him if he were to proposition me. I continued to fast and pray and I could feel a wedge coming between us, we had been talking since December of '08 and by April I went from hearing him everyday, in fact he made it a point to make me a part of his day, several times a day for several hours to once a week to not at all. My heart was broken and I was crushed but strangely enough I, in my brokenness started chasing God like I had never been moved to seek Him in my entire life. The voracious hunger and thirst for righteousness that I so often prayed would overtake others had overtaken me! I was prostrate on my face for sometimes more than 4-5 hours a day and between taking care of my children and handling other business, I was always in my Bible and my journal. It was such a difficult time but there was a growth taking place in me that I never would've imagined would happen to me as a result of such pain. I was hurt but every time the tears would come and the questions that I couldn't answer would flood my mind I would run to get on my face, get in my Bible or get in my journal so that I could dump all of my feelings out on paper or sit in my Abba's lap and cry to Him. He was the only one who could make things right in me. I loved and still love that man but I realized that I loved God more. I could've chased the man but I had enough sense to realize that chasing the man would not be within the best interest of my children or me.

I have been praying for others who are not saved and who are backsliders and my prayer has been that they will experience the same brokenness and desperation for God that I experienced. Because if it had not been for that brokenness and that desperate notion of needing my heavenly Father, then I think that I probably would've self-destructed, had a nervous breakdown or made some other ridiculous decision that would've truly made my life an even greater train wreck than what it was prior to my children and me becoming homeless.

Understand that just a few years ago I thought it was corny to refer to God as father. But through this experience I can now see where God desires to be my friend, my Lord but most of all He desires to be my Father and for a woman who grew up without the love and approval of my earthly father, it was comforting to know that I could run into the arms of God, my Father in prayer and read His word for answers to my questions and that He would always comfort me. It wasn't easy and I made it a point to seek Him and make Him the priority in my life. Now this time last year I had been weakened by fears of the unknown, including not being married and my children needing a dad; moving back to Ohio from Southern California, and just not trusting God like I should have because of my unwillingness to come back to Ohio. I had become suspicious of God's promises to deliver and bless me which I didn't fully understand that it put me in enmity with God. Jeremiah 15:19 (amp) says the following: Therefore thus says the Lord (to Jeremiah): If you return (and give up this mistaken tone of distrust and despair), then I will give you again a settled place quiet and safety, and you will be My minister; and if you separate the precious from the vile (cleansing your own heart from unworthy and unwarranted suspicions concerning God's faithfulness), you shall be My mouthpiece. (But do not yield to them.) Let them return to you – not you to (the people). Psalm 139:23-24 also says, “Search me O God and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” So please understand that when we are anxious and suspicious of God's faithfulness and desperate for everything but Him, it's probably because there is sin in our lives. My sin was just being defiant. I was mad at God for my having to return to Ohio but I had no reason to be suspicious of his faithfulness, I was the one who was wrong. I still don't understand fully why I'm back here but such as it is God has been exceedingly faithful so, if I want to please Him I have to trust that He knows what's best for me and my kids and know that He'll perform all that he has promised to my kids and me.

My prayer for the reader of this post is that you will experience that brokenness and desperation for the Father. I know that this is not something that you may want to hear but sometimes that brokenness is the only way that we will understand that the God-shaped hole in us is no longer satisfied with the seasonal, temporary comforts of the flesh and of this world and is in need of something, someone who is permanent and consistent and that someone is Jesus! He's the only one who can make things right in you! Besides you're already forgiven, all you have to do is accept it! Whatever it takes to get you to the cross, so let it be in the name of Jesus! And if you are already a Christian but your priorities have been skewed to where you've been pursuing everything but Him, I am praying for your brokenness as well! Don't be afraid of the brokenness it is where your testimony lies, it's where your victory is, it's where you will finally find the peace and contentment that you've been looking for, for so long through all of the wrong things. When any hope of grace seems to elude you, the brokenness is the only thing that will provoke a desperation and a hunger and thirst for God that will usher you to His throne into His presence with the realization that what you're going through is bigger than you are and only He is capable of removing the pain and granting you the strength and wisdom to transcend every barrier to peace and progress. You've stayed in the place of apathy and bondage long enough, it's time to find your destiny and your identity in Christ through the brokenness.

Be abundantly blessed!!!!


Mediocrity hates greatness...be great and let the haters hate!


Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com