Misdirected Desperation

As a single parent it can be extremely difficult dealing with all of the responsibilities of taking care of a household, children, and finances, etc. without the help of a spouse not to mention the loneliness of not having adult companionship. And contrary to what we may assume, studies have shown that the onslaught of social networking has actually isolated us even more, so if you add to that the sparse, cohesive network and fellowship of Israelites then life can sometimes get seemingly unbearable.  The weight of single parenthood can get very heavy and painful. Even if you work outside of the home, you still may not have the opportunity to socialize with other adults on a frequent basis in a safe, friendly and nurturing environment where you can feel comfortable venting and being comforted regarding the cares of your daily life by like-minded people who understand and share your struggle. So even if your children are old enough and articulate enough to hold a conversation with you, it's still not the same as having adult companionship. I know that some people's halakah is so qodesh and righteous that they never experience the considerable pain and loneliness of single parenthood but for those of us who are still human and haven't been spiritually translated even at our strongest an empty bed and a house too quiet after the children are in bed are reminders that The Father created us for relationships and despite laying prostrate before HIM for hours on end and studying Scripture for hours on end there is still the persistent nagging need to be held, spoken to tenderly and attentively and made to feel loved and wanted. Our children can take us for granted quite often and single parents constantly find themselves playing the role of both parents to some extent therefore the custodial parent is always the heavy and the disciplinarian and this in and of itself is a lonely and taxing responsibility. With all of that being said, is it any wonder that most single parents are thirsty to the point of creeping or indulging otherwise unhealthy forms of adult companionship? This thirstiness is actually misplaced desperation. The Most High desires for us to be desperate for HIM and sometimes that may mean laying out prostrate before HIM, other times it may mean journalling; it may mean ministry in the form of volunteering at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, etc. or studying and reading Scripture. 

My prayer for the single parents of Israel as well as myself is that we will allow YAHUAH to transform our minds thereby changing our perspective and perception of single parenthood so that we can give our all to HIM while HE cultivates within us all that is needed to make us greater assets to HIS Kingdom and that includes preparing us for marriage, if that is indeed HIS will for us. But marriage is not priority neither is adult companionship. The priority is The Kingdom of The Most High and what HE has called us into existence to be.  We have been called into existence to be obedient worshipers who abandon the whole of our lives to HIM so that HE receives all of the glory and that includes allowing things such as our singlehood to run their course so that we can enjoy reaping the fruits of a harvest where we have sown seeds of love, contentment and obedience and not railed against HIM by subversively burning through relationships with the opposite sex in an attempt to search for the "right one" or cure loneliness with futile, empty and irresponsible out-of-covenant sex or doing other things that are counterproductive to our having a fulfilling relationship with The Father. YAHUAH, knows what we need, when we need it and how we need it. All you need to do is play your position and fall back to allow HIM all the room HE needs to have HIS way in our lives and in us. We can't have it both ways! It's going to be HIS will or our way and trust and believe because HE is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient, we should prefer HIS will EVERY TIME over our own way. Desiring YAH's will over our own way is a sign of spiritual maturity. It is a sign that we understand that we exist for HIS pleasure and for the benefit of HIS Kingdom, alone and that everything that is of no relevance, value or significance to HIS Kingdom or HIS divine will and purpose for our lives should have no place in us. We can't please HIM with a carnal mind and an unwillingness to accept HIS will. We know and trust that HE only has the best future planned for us. 

We live in a culture that idolizes the marriage ceremony and all of the accoutrement that the ceremony entails. It also lauds coupling while simultaneously demonizing Scriptural, heterosexual marriage and yet there are entire television series and movies about marriage. We also may personally witness people coupling up and getting engaged, betrothed and married. This can make us feel even lonelier. We may want to feel joy and happiness in watching others embark upon a life that we desire for ourselves but after a while we can start to feel as if YAH has forgotten about us. Rest assured that HE hasn't! HE heard you the first time you prayed. HE moved on your behalf the first time you fasted in obedience, even if you didn't see or realize it. But just remind yourself that ALL things occur in HIS excellent timing and not when we believe that they should occur.

Don't settle for Mr. or Ms. right-now! YAH's best for you is someone who loves HIM more than they love you; someone who will love and honor you and your children; someone who will value you and your children and see you for the asset that you are. Anything less than that is throwing your pearls to swine and a futile waste of time and energy. It is good for you to stay close (and get even closer) to YAH. HIS love is of greater richness and consistency than the greatest man or woman! The Father deserves our undivided attention. HE deserves a set-apart vessel that desires HIM first and foremost! We MUST prefer HIM above all else or we will never know what it is to live a life that honors HIM and provides joy and satisfaction because we have dared to obey and love HIM more than us wanting what we want...whatever it is our flesh wants (i.e., marriage, more children, etc.)

Personally, I struggle with feeling the reproach of single parenthood. I see people watching me with my kids with either disdain or pity. I hate not having the luxury to homeschool my children because I have to work. I hate the whole vetting process of mating up because I've been disappointed and hurt so many times during that process. A friend of mine told me that The Father was hiding me for someone special, a true son of YAH but sometimes I find myself questioning my value as a woman, my attractiveness. This life gets so immensely heavy and try as I may I still find myself, lately lonely and discouraged. I've always had issues with my physical appearance so I find myself seeking validation from people by what I wear and how I dress. It's painful and yet this is obviously a necessary process. Brothers and sisters of Israel, I am not too proud to petition you for prayer. As everything that I have written to encourage you, I know and am aware of and yet I am struggling with the day to day reality of this and pray to only please and honor my Father through this struggle. If I am to be desperate, I want to be desperate for HIM! If I am to be thirsty I want to hunger and thirst for HIS Word and for HIS presence! Shalom!

Mediocrity hates greatness, be great in YAHUSHA's name and let the haters, hate! Single Mother's Midrash exists to provide information and education pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single and chaste, empowerment through the word of YHUH and much more. Single Mother's Midrash is a publication of Natsarim Remnant Ministries. Natsarim Remnant Ministries is a Torah-observing, Commandment-keeping ministry whose mission is proclaim that YAHUSHA is Messiah and Savior of the world and the only begotten Son of YHUH, Creator of the Universe; He and Father, YHUH and the Ruach haQodesh are ONE. For more information regarding Natsarim Remnant Ministries feel free to call us at 614-522-9707 or email us at NatsarimRemnant@rocketmail.com. Be abundantly blessed in YAHUSHA's name.