I am just recently getting my life back on track! I come from a very conservative, Pentacostal background and I love the foundation of the denomination that I grew up in but I'm so glad that I got into The Word for myself from a young child. I received the gift of the Holy Spirit when I was 9 years old. I'll never forget it, there was a revival at church and I had gotten saved when I was 6 yrs old so I heard the evangelist explain the difference between just being saved and receiving the Holy Ghost. He preached out of the book of Revelation that night and as is the case most times when a kid hears someone preach from the book of Revelation, it has a tendency to scare you a little but I was more fascinated than scared and that fascination is what moved me to crave The Word of God. I began reading Revelation and from that I sincerely began to hunger to know more so I started reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, 3 chapters a night before I would go to bed and after I would say my prayers. I loved The Word and was so enamored with The Lord that I would even sleep with my bible under my pillow! But as I grew older and increased in wisdom through revelation of the Holy Spirit, I began to see where a lot of the things that my church's denomination taught that were nothing more than religious musings and opinions that were based on a legalistic concept of salvation. So you had girls who were wearing no make up (b/c it was a "sin"- considered vain and Jezebelesque), long dresses and skirts down to their ankles (b/c that was a "sin" - it was a misinterpretation of a the Levitical scripture which discourages women wearing attire pertaining to a man) and going to functions such as basketball games, or movie theatres b/c that was "sitting in the seat of the scornful" but they were committing fornication, adultery, gluttony, gossiping, backbiting, lying, stealing and some of their attitudes were just downright NASTY! As I got older and learned The Word through enlightenment of the Holy Spirit for myself, by the time I was 16, 17 years old, I knew enough of The Word for myself to begin asking questions and if the responses I was provided did not line up with The Word of God that I knew for myself then I knew that the response was a carnal, legalistic opinion and not anything that legitimately had anything to do with a person's salvation.
Well, at the age of 18, after receiving several prophecies and having dreams and visions of going into ministry...I ran! Yes, I ran, was still trying to live saved but I wanted no part of the ministry because I really didn't feel worthy. But when I finally gave up, after years of teaching Bible study and decided to accept the calling on my life, the denomination that I grew up in just wasn't where I knew that I could grow because they were so wrapped up in their pharisaic concept of the church and holiness that they would not let go of man-made tradition to embrace true freedom in Christ especially where it concerned women in the ministry. Everything about God was angry and judgmental because looking back, these people were angry and judgmental! It was so ironic because instead of being made in the image of God these church people tried to re-make God in their image. I know that's deep but this denomination (as is the case with a lot of churches with their religious concept who are under the "pentacostal" banner) left the bondage of the world to be held by the bondage of religion! I left that denomination to start attending a non-denominational church, that church was on the other end of the spectrum in that it seemed to lack structure. The pastor taught The Word concisely and practically and yet it lacked such structure that the atmosphere was more of that of a country club than that of a church body seeking to do the work of The Kingdom. I believe that there were some sincerely saved individuals at both of these churches however where they resembled each other was in their focal point. The focus was some place other than The Word of God and having a true relationship w/God as Lord, friend and father, they were simply gathering places with little to no power. They were the congregations where people would go to see and be seen, to be known and be in the know! In 2001, I got fed up with church, church people, and even who I had become in the church in allowing the attitudes of church people to influence me, I left the church! I got tired of being offended by church people who could treat others like garbage and then turn around and speak in tongues, prophesy, preach, teach and shout all over the church! But they had no love and no power and neither did I! I was struggling with depression and for years I was suicidal. I wanted to know God in fullness but because I would not let go of some unhealthy things in my life, I couldn't grow. So I thought that the best thing that I could do was leave! I told my story in the first posting as to what happened during that span of approximately 5-6 years but to sum it up I had two kids out of wedlock by two different men. After the birth of my son, I ran to God. I realized that if I didn't attempt to re-establish a relationship with God that I would end up either physically dead before my time or spiritually dead. Shortly after that I went on a journey of homelessness and poverty that I had only heard about but never experienced and never thought that I would experience in my own life especially with my children. But I had to come to grips with several things at this time the first and most important was that God was not the one who offended me and that just because people had offended me and hurt me that was no reason to abandon God and everything I had known from a child to be true in His Word. So I began to pray more, read my Bible more, fast for the first time in years, and finally go to church. By this time I was living in Southern California and I had been blessed with an awesome, powerful church family but no sooner than I attempted to put down roots there that God compelled me to return to central Ohio to help my mom who was having her own struggles. The experience of returning to central Ohio after being so satisfied with where I was in Southern California: my career was about to take off there, I was on the verge of getting the apartment that I wanted and most importantly to me, I loved my church. But now I see that the challenge was to see if I was more in love w/God than my church enough to obey Him and return to a place where my life had been a total wreck not to mention there were a lot of people in Ohio who had hurt and lied on me and I wasn't thrilled about confronting or dealing with any of that. But I was obedient and returned to central Ohio and I drifted for a little while because I fell back into the anger and questioning God about having to return to a place that had promised myself that I would never return to. I wasn't going to church consistently. I joined one church but the pastor was within years of my age and I needed someone who was a little more seasoned in life and the ministry. The church that I am now preparing to join (I have to attend the membership class), I never would've imagined that I would end up at this church. This church is the largest church in central Ohio and quite possibly all of Ohio but after interning their for television production, I saw why this church was so influential and prolific. People are always ragging on so-called mega churches but if they are teaching and preaching the truth of the gospel, functioning and contributing positively to the community and you are spiritually mature enough to deal with not having your pastor at your disposal because you understand your access to Christ in you, then I don't see or understand what the problem is, but that's for another post.
I had to let you know about that aspect of my journey because I had to realize that it didn't matter what other people did or what they do to me. It's not about me, I am the temple of the Holy Spirit and because of that I can overcome ANY offense! Yes, there are modern day pharisees in the church who are busy wagging their index fingers at people and condemning people to hell but God hasn't condemned me to hell! So who cares what they think! I am so glad to know that because of Jesus, the Father, my Abba has found me worthy of inhabiting and it's because of that fact that I dare not ever again in life abandon God and forfeit my birthright as a child of God because of what someone did or what someone said. The pharisees called Jesus, the Son of the true and living God, who came to die for their sins "The prince of demons" they accused Him of casting out demons because He was in league with them! What a horrible, blasphemous thing to say but that's how a pharisee, religious demon operates. It deludes people who don't even have skeletons in their closets, but they have rotting corpses (stinking, secret things that they feel condemned and miserable about) in their closets, to feeling self righteous because they can do all of the outward things like speak in tongues, shout/dance, preach, teach, give offering, tithes and they can even work around the church and in various ministries but they fail to understand all of that done without the love of God is meaningless! When you are critical, judgmental, and accusatory of other people, you defy everything that God is...love! He doesn't accept our sin but unlike people God does not associate us with our sins and shortcomings, instead once we repent, He associates us with His Son, Jesus! This helps me because I'm not perfect, I have done more than my share of judging and criticizing people but when I see how people have judged and still judge; criticized and still criticize me not to mention how Christ was treated on my behalf then I understand that it is more important for me to love, forgive and pray for those who offend me than it is to do what this flesh finds easy and convenient and yet so destructive to me spiritually.
We are the arrow that points people in the direction of Christ. Your praise, your service and everything you do is in vain and will die with you if God is not your reality. Is He in you? Because if He is, love is in you, peace is in you, joy is in you, wisdom and temperance is in you! Your flesh will act up and attempt to stage a mutiny against the Holy Spirit but as soon as you relinquish your right as captain of your own ship and allow the Spirit of God to direct you; love, peace, joy, wisdom and temperance become habitual. It is then that no one and nothing external to you including your own flesh will become of such an offense to you that you abandon the One who loves you more than anyone else ever could and you will find yourself gladly going out of your way to love and demonstrate the love of God b/c of the love of God is in you! Be blessed, abundantly blessed!
Mediocrity hates greatness, so be great and let the haters hate!
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