The Oxymoron...The "Dilemma" of Christian Dating (and Other Carnal Fallacies) Revisited

Recently I went to a local church's Singles meeting and first let me say that I primarily loathe these kinds of meetings because they tend to run the gamut from pure singles misery ministry to "I-coulda-had-a-V-8" boring to shameless pick up, swingin' singles, meat markets. So usually when I hear the announcement of a singles church event, I run in the opposite direction. But to keep from becoming an absolute recluse, I decided to attend this gathering in the hopes that it would perhaps be different than what I have experienced before but we'll come back to my verdict regarding this meeting later. The facilitator asked why Christian dating is still such a controversial issue. To be frank, I would like to know why as well! My mother and I have had this conversation on several occasions and the majority of this meeting's attendees were in agreement with my mother regarding this aberration of so-called "Christian dating".

Let's get something very clear, plain and precise...there is no such thing as "Christian dating"! It is a fallacy built on carnal principles that have crept into the modern church to validate and justify traditions and practices that are not biblical. There is no biblical precedent for dating because "dating" is not an activity that Christian believers should engage in. The church has become a pandering bastion of carnal acceptance. I've had many Christians tell me that it's okay if dating is not a biblical practice because our modern times require us to participate in the aimless ritual of dating and not to date is well, naive and even silly. The young minister who facilitated the singles meeting that I attended gave his definition of dating as spending time with someone of the opposite sex, so if you meet with someone of the same sex w/the intent of homosexual or lesbian relationship, or someone under age, or someone who is married that is not a "date" in his estimation. This minister was very much into these definitions that were relative and subjective to what he felt and believed despite the lack of biblical basis for such a definition. This is happening to me a lot lately where I have been talking to people who say that they are Christians regarding everything from the paganism involved in holidays such as Christmas and Easter to this subject of dating. And much to my dismay there are far too many "gray area" Christians who justify their counter-biblical beliefs by telling people that just because society defines something one way, they can then take that corrupt and carnal thing and somehow make it valid and acceptable. 

If there is no biblical basis for practicing something it's probably because it wasn't something that Believers should incorporate in their lives and then provide a subjective explanation for practicing the activity in lieu of a biblical foundation and basis. If there is no biblical precedent for doing something then it probably shouldn't be apart of the life of a Believer. It's just that simple! There is no biblical precedent for Believers participating in pagan and occult celebrations neither is there a biblical precedent for believers participating in the carnal ritual of dating. If you are involved in a courtship with a person of age and of the opposite sex then it must be because your ultimate intent is to marry that individual, not just "kick it" until I meet someone else. The church has bought into the lie that you have to date several people before you can know whether or not the person that you are dating is "the one". That's a joke! If that were true then divorce wouldn't be so rampant in the church among believers. Dating leaves God out of the equation of a life that exists for the sole purpose of bringing Him glory. Dating says, "God, I don't know if I trust you to choose my spouse for me so I need to get out and see what's out there for myself, then I'll decide who You have intended for me to spend the rest of my life." Since when did God cease to be El Shaddai? He is the all sufficient God! People lived, courted, and married for centuries just fine prior to this last century where dating became an accepted societal practice and there is no iron clad process to a successful marriage but to put God first and yield the whole of your life as worship. Divorce existed in biblical times but divorce is always the result of a marriage that God either never ordained in the first place and it became a total disaster (i.e., cases of abuse of any kind) or a marriage where the man and woman involved have refused to die to self in order that Messiah would be glorified through their lives and marriage. Need I remind you that as a Believer, you are not your own and that you were bought with a price? I Corinthians 6:20 says, "For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's." These standards do not exist to kill your fun or to keep you from enjoying life, they exist so that you can avoid a life of unnecessary hardship and emotional trauma that results from poor choices and bad decisions that were brought about by an acceptance of carnal concepts and beliefs but have absolutely no basis in The Word of God. Dating might be just fine for unbelievers who don't believe or trust God or even have a relationship with Him but Believers should be wary of anything that does not result in us yielding all that we are to biblical principles that have been substantiated time and again. Any marriage, anything that does not have it's foundation in Messiah will fail!

The Believer must consult God in prayer and in His Word prior to doing anything that could effect our life and service to Him. Seek God and His will for your life and in your seeking God and not a  person to meet your needs, your spouse will not have to bear the burden of being to you what only God can be to you, your everything!

By the way, I'm certain that I won't be attending another singles event at that church. Pray for me, I don't have it all figured out but I'm certain that God knows me and what I need far better than I or anyone else ever could.
I hope that you enjoy the video below. The sister is very talented and effectively articulates why dating is not something that Believers who are truly seeking the heart of Yahweh don't date!

  Koretta L. Allen aka LadyfromZion is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. You can follow her on Twitter @LadyfromZion and friend her on Facebook at Facebook.com/abundantlyblessed. Mediocrity hates greatness! Be great and let the haters, hate!