Bearing My Cross

It's been almost a year since I started this blog and God has truly blessed my children and me. I've also learned a lot about myself, God and the world around me. Last year I was being broken because of a failed relationship that prior to its failure I was sure would lead to marriage. That didn't happen but what did happen was the crucifixion of my flesh to where I truly understood above all things that nothing matters more than the sovereign will of God. I wrote about the brokenness last year but still had no clue just how awesome God would move on my behalf and that of my children.

We left the midwest for what I believe to be the last time. Sure we'll be back to visit but I know in my spirit that we will not be back there to live. I've learn to pray more fervently for the needs and the salvation of others as well as to sometimes just sit and meditate on the presence of the Lord. This move was one of the most difficult things I've had to do but Abba has always made a way. I realize more than ever that salvation and sanctification are a process and by no means something that just happens immediately because you repeated a prayer at the altar at church. I'm seeing the world with new eyes and hopefully becoming the kind of mother that my children need and deserve. This journey to recapture an intimate knowledge and relationship with God has not perfected me but set me on the path to being perfected in Christ, the culmination of which will not occur until I exit this life.  I am still being broken but it's okay because it makes me desperate for the presence of The Most High. I crave and long for His presence like I never have before.  

Would I still like to get married one day? Sure! But I have also come to a point of accepting whatever is God's will for my life. Christ is my reality. I am dead (dying) to this world and this earthsuit so that I may be known of Him and know Him in a way that draws the people around me to Him. I have been on this journey for sometime and I have reached a point of acquiescence and surrender to Him. Whatever my HaShem, El Elyon, El Shaddai, Abba wants, whatever it pleases Him to do with my life, for this life that I live is not my own, is fine with me. When I was younger I use to hear people say "that if He never does another thing for me, He's already done enough", it sounded silly to me but now I understand. Comprehension of some things only occurs with maturity. I will gracefully in the name of Jesus bear my cross and right now that cross includes being the single mother of two beautiful and intelligent children, running a business, working outside of the home and being a blessing in every way that I can to others.

My life is nothing of what I imagined it would be twenty years or so ago and I have been guilty of beating myself up for making some of the decisions that led me here but then I also realize that God has never failed or forsaken me. I've really been world weary lately. When I see how increasingly godless and twisted the world is becoming, the more that I am sure, absolutely sure that nothing is worth me forfeiting salvation. My desire is to cling to God like never before. Pray for me, my kids and all that God is given me stewardship that He may glorified above all! My ultimate goal is to have my entire life and every aspect of it be an act of worship to the Lord. The joy of the Lord is my strength and I hope it is yours as well!

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com