The Necessary Discomfort

My mother and I recently had a discussion about wimpy parents who don't want to be the heavy in their children's opinions. Instead these wimpy, milk-toast parents have taken the preposterous notion that a parent can be their child's buddy. I have, like so many other parents watched the "nanny" shows that send in a nanny to help the parents effectively raise their children. Even more embarrassing are the parents who go on the various talk shows with their kids, who they have allowed to get outrageously out of hand. I often wonder about parents who end up afraid of their own children. It's bizarre and unnatural and really there is no need for it.

When I was a teenager my mother would have the radio playing in the bathroom and it was always on the local Christian music station. One of the programs that I grew up being very fond of was Focus On the Family with Dr. James Dobson and one of the books that he had written was titled "Parenting Isn't For Cowards." Truer words could not have been spoken. Although I don't agree with Dr. Dobson's political leanings as of late, I even as a teenager then, agreed with his concept of parenting based on biblical principles. Please do not take this out of context, abusive behavior towards anyone, especially a child is always unacceptable however I am not one of these mealy-mouthed, punk liberals who believes that corporal punishment is NEVER useful. WRONG! Corporal punishment is useful for different children in different ways but always as a last resort. But no matter how you decide as a parent to discipline your children, just know that it is not pleasant but it is necessary and failure to create and establish as well as enforce boundaries for your children will cause them to resent you later on!

Proverbs 13:24, 22:15 and 29:15 all refer to the importance of corporal punishment but just know that if you feel as if this is not the best thing for you or your child that whatever form of discipline or boundary enforcement you use will have to be effective and should begin as soon as the child becomes aware that there are consequences for their actions. I'm not saying that you saying that you shouldn't create a friendly environment of openness and mutual respect but the role of a parent has to be clearly defined even more so than the boundaries that exist on your job between you and your supervisor. The best bosses are those who are friendly and respectful and yet professional. These managers, supervisors, etc understand that an effective workplace is hinged upon creating boundaries between them and those who work for them. Your boss can not be effective or successful if they are constantly compromising their position to appease you or have your approval and validation on every decision that they make. Like it or not, they're in charge and they don't have to have your approval for anything that they do. Case in point, if you are too busy trying to simply appease your children because you don't want to be bothered or gain your child's approval and validation of who you are as a person and as a parent then you will not be the kind of parent that they need and deserve. Some of you, might not like this but YOU are the parent and you have to begin to trust that the love that you have for God and your child will enable you to make the right decisions concerning your children so that they can grow up to be children who will be an asset to you and society and that means disciplining your children effectively so that they clearly understand that there are consequences for their actions.

If you are a Christian parent understand that these children are yours on loan. They are not yours in the true sense of your possessing them which is one of the reasons why you should not treat them so much as if they are a possession but rather like everything else that God brings into your life, a gift. You are a steward not an owner. One day just like everything else that you do in this life, you will have to give an account for how you have raised the precious souls that God has so graciously entrusted to you to raise to His glory. So if you abuse, misuse or mistreat your children; neglect them or even provoke them to anger and a life of struggle by being a wimpy, spineless parent who would rather be a buddy than a parent, then you WILL have to answer for what you chose to do or chose not to do in the raising and rearing of those children. Failure to create and establish boundaries makes a child feel as if you don't care. As a parent you also handicap a child when you neglect to create boundaries and enforce them for your children. It's called lawlessness! Children who grow up with a disrespect for authority, legitimate boundaries and who haven't been taught how to behave appropriately at home will not miraculously do so in public and they will bring you to an open shame! Lawless adults end up in prison, on drugs, indulging in other self-destructive behaviors and the cemetaries are full of young people whose parents didn't think that they were harming their kids by being their buddy's while neglecting to fulfill their roles as effective parents. I can't tell you how you should raise your child but you need to know what the Bible says and then you need to be sure that your methods of discipline are effective and that they do not break the child's spirit or are in any way counterproductive to your children growing up to be happy, healthy, stable adults. Whatever you do, do it in love and your child might not like it now but they'll love you for it later.

Additional scriptures: Proverbs 10:1, 17:25, 22:6, and Ephesians 6:4

Be abundantly blessed!

Mediocrity hates greatness...be great and let the haters hate!

Mocha Brown aka Koretta L. Allen is available for public speaking engagements especially pertaining to subjects of single parenthood, being single, women's empowerment through the word of God and much more. Mochababybrown@gmail.com