He Has the Last Say-So!

When I was pregnant with my son, I was feeling condemned but I also felt overwhelming change on the horizon and the uncertainty of my future concerned me. There was a song on the local gospel station by an artist by the name of Kim Rutherford called "Last Say So". I was concerned but comforted by the lyrics that said "Our God stands alone and He takes care of His own." It goes on to say "He allows things to run their course, have no fear. God is in control." I knew that my life was such a mess that something had to give and I could feel it. I just prayed that God would protect my two beautiful babies and me. Little did I know that within a matter of 10 months I would be in a homeless shelter with my two children. I was by no means where I should've been in my relationship with the Lord but I had this confidence: that no matter what God would not forsake us! Others, including family members, friends,church people had forsaken us but I had an unexplainable peace. I first became homeless in central Ohio and I figured that anytime my children and I could be without a place to call home in a city where I had so-called friends and family members (who were in actuality nothing more than relatives, I'll elaborate in a later post)that it was time for us to leave. I had spent some time in Southern California in the early 2000's and longed to return. I longed for years to return there to live and raise my children. It was such a strong desire that I actually felt like there was a magnet in my chest that was drawing me in that direction.

So on what I thought was a whim but was actually the Hand of God, I called my dad who didn't raise me and who had never been dependable or reliable on any level.
My parents divorced when I was 5 or 6 years old because my father simply decided that he didn't want to be married anymore. But he ran from paying child support to the point that for a full seven years of my childhood my mother, brothers and I didn't know if he was dead or alive! However, for some divine reason I called him because I knew he had relatives in Southern California and although I didn't know these people, I figured that if I could just get a helping hand from someone, anyone then I could get on my feet and be successful. I had no doubt about that. Well, he said he had a niece out there and he wired money for me and my kids to leave and go out to California. We got out to California and we lived with my dad's niece, my cousin for three months and then she kicked me out and we ended up in a shelter in Southern California. I could've broken down and wallowed in self-pity but I understood one thing, God had me and that I was being made. This was my "boot-camp" experience to make me a true soldier for Christ.

For too long I had made the horrible mistake of just settling. My motivations were all twisted and messed up. I spent years trying to please other people never realizing until this "boot camp" experience that people will never be pleased and that God's plan and purpose for my life is wrapped up in Him and honoring Him with my life not trying to please people especially close family members. If I had never gone through that experience I would probably be dead or crazy! Because I was leaving so far outside of God's will for my life that I could've easily been destroyed by the poor choices that I was making. I probably even deserved death and destruction, Oh but God! My Abba, in His wonderful, infinite mercy spared my life, my mind and kept my family intact through all of it! And guess what? It's not over! I'm still being made but I am so grateful for His grace and mercy that saw me through that experience of being a homeless, single mother. We have a home now, thank God! I have a car and a job that I love and two beautiful, healthy children and it is all thanks to God! It compels me to seek Him even more! I can not more effectively articulate just how much I love Him! He brought me through what was one of the lowest points of my life. I now understand that regarding everything else that concerns me, He has the very last say so! Not people, not situations, not circumstances (I know this isn't proper sentence structure but...) absolutely nothing outside of Christ determines my worth, my purpose and most of all my reality in Christ!

I'm in tears now and I feel like shouting! I just might get up and do little dance but be abundantly blessed!

Mediocrity hates greatness...be great and let the haters hate!